Air Canada unveiled a new advertising campaign slogan, Don’t like it? Eat Shit!, earlier this afternoon. Many embrace the honesty behind the slogan, but government officials fear that some Canadians may take the slogan literally and start ingesting their own fecal matter.
Air Canada’s current CEO, Calin Rovinescu, and other company executives are still pulling in millions, even after company shares have slumped by a whopping 70% in the last year. When asked by the press why he believes he deserves millions, Rovinescu said, “I don’t give a shit what you or anyone else thinks.”
There you have it. It would seem that Rovinescu should care as the Canadian public has taken on the roll of Fairy Bail-your-ass-out-mother several times when the airline’s deplorable service sent it to the chopping block.
“It’s quite a simple equation,” Rovinescu said. “If they don’t like it, they still have to pay for it. And all employees now have the right to tell any one of our ungrateful customers to eat shit if they don’t like the service they’re getting. The campaign also helps employees vent frustrations caused by the recent back-to-work legislation.”
When asked if he thought the new slogan might offend guests to the point of abandoning the airline permanently, Rovinescu laughed and said, “Canadians are stupid. They shop online with the assumption that when they get to the airport, there will be someone there who gives a shit that they paid $1500 for a ticket to who-knows-where. As far as I’m concerned, once the clams are in the coffers, we don’t have to give a shit any longer. This isn’t a new strategy. We play ball the same way Stephen Harper does.”
Rovinescu is confident that the new slogan will represent the company in an honest, transparent way. Because of the new slogan, the company plans to cut back their complaint department by 64% over the next year as most disgruntled customers will be dealt with on the front lines. The email runarounds and false promises offered on the phone will now be handled at the front counter with a concise, Don’t like it? Eat shit!