Stephen Harper tries to burn kitten during photo shoot

Stephen Harper Hates Cats

Stephen Harper, drunk on Jack Daniel’s whiskey, refused to have his picture taken with a real cat

With the recent reminder that Mitt Romney strapped his doggie-carrier to the roof of his car, the Canadian media has been digging up some rather unsightly facts about Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his relationship with pets. Harper has been working hard to promote a pet-loving persona, with a special concentration on cats.

The Conservative Party’s website lists “Ten Things You Might Not Know About Prime Minister Stephen Harper,” and number nine, after his ability to speak Spanish and his love for movies, is that he also loves cats. According to sources close to the Prime Minister, this claim couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I was trying to get Mr. Harper to put away his bottle of Jack Daniel’s for a photo shoot,” a reliable source stated. “But he slurred several profanities at me, including the “F” and “C” words. When [the photographer] placed the kitten on his lap, Mr. Harper picked it up and threw it at the fireplace and slurred something about cooking it.  He clearly wanted to burn the kitten, but the fire screen did its job and protected the poor animal.”

The leaked photograph above depicts the severe amount of editing that went into the photo after it was finally taken. The photographer and his team were able to cut out a green screen representation of the kitten, which Harper agreed to hold for the photo. In the original, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s can be seen, and the Prime Minister’s face is fatter, angrier and glowing red.

The Prime Minister’s office briefly responded to the photograph by stating that “the Prime Minister denies all charges of animal and alcohol abuse. The image and its source are currently under investigation.”

Political analysts are reporting that although the next election is still in the distant future, the importance of political pets cannot be underestimated. In fact, a recent poll found that a majority of Canadians often vote strategically based on pet ownership, especially cat ownership involving verifiable love.

Will this alleged animal abuse dethrone the great dictator? It’s tough to say, but health care, the economy and the environment will have to stand aside until this question of cuddly kitties is sorted out.This one's a real lemon

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