Stephen Harper has responded to his January 11th meeting with First-Nations chiefs, including Attawapiskat Chief, Theresa Spence, by sporting a head-dress and riding a horse through downtown Ottawa. His journey ended at a Tim Horton’s parking lot, where he made an announcement that was shocking, to say the least.
“Hello members of First Nations communities and all my fellow Canadians,” Harper said. “We have been brought together today to take a examine how we treat Mother Earth. Some of our conveniences, such as idling in drive-thrus, like the one right behind me, can poison the air that we breathe. We are here today to say that we shall idle no more!”
Harper went on to announce tax incentives for businesses that close their drive-thrus and spoke about promoting more social interaction among Canadians. Alternatives, such as walk-thrus and ride-thrus, would also be eligible for tax breaks. His final note was that the Federal Government would be pressuring cities to strike down bylaws against the use of horses, mules and donkeys on roadways.
It is likely that Harper was recommending the reconsideration of several emissions by-laws that were considered, and sometimes passed, by municipal governments over the past two decades.
When he called to Theresa Spence to come up to the podium for a response, she was already on her way to her silver-smooth Mercedes Benz, mumbling something about the Governor General and hitting a drive-thru on the way home.
She then pulled up in front of the crowd, her tinted window slowly sliding down. “Hey, Stevie,” she shouted, offering him her middle finger. “Stick your lips on my tail pipe!”
Harper looked dumbfounded, standing there in his head dress, as the tires of the Mercedes screeched and the silver rocket took off down the street.