After proving to be ineffective in challenging the Conservative Juggernaut’s slew of fast-tracked legislation, the NDP have pulled out a wild card that even Stephen Harper is concerned about.
The newest bill to be rubber-stamped by the current Conservative majority, Bill C-309, will send masked protesters to jail for up to ten years. Thomas Mulcair, the leader of the official opposition, stepped into parliament yesterday and threatened to employ the legendary Mask of Vulcan if the Harper Government refused to scrap what he calls another “Big Brother Bill.”
In a statement to the public, Harper called Mulcair’s bluff: “If Mr. Mulcair thinks that he can bully this government, he has another thing coming. Besides, the Canadian people clearly understand that the mask in question is not real. It has no special powers at all, and if it did, Mr. Mulcair would be guilty of being a witch, warlock or whatever title you want to give such a sorcerer. ”
Witchcraft charges and repeated dishonesty aside, who could disagree with the man this time? After all, the mask is from folk lore and was made famous via The Mighty Hercules, a children’s cartoon from the 1960′s. Mulcair’s threat hit the mainstream media immediately, with reporters labelling him as “a loony short of a buck” and a “witch without a broom to clean up his mess.”
In response, Mulcair hit the streets of Ottawa, leading his wife and fellow protesters through the downtown core while brandishing the Mask of Vulcan. Late in the evening, when push came to shove, the authorities could not move Mulcair. After being struck with batons several times in the head, neck and abdomen, Mulcair stood erect without flinching. He simply laughed and shouted, “You’re tickling me! Nothing can harm me, so long as I wear the Mask of Vulcan!”
The police eventually became tired of striking Mulcair and went home, leaving the protesters to continue their march. A war-drum beat and the chant, “You cannot harm us! We have The Mask of Vulcan!,” could be heard bouncing off the buildings of downtown Ottawa until the early hours of the next morning.
Harper has not been available for comment, but it is likely that the NDP may get what they want this time. If Mulcair were to wear the Mask of Vulcan in the House of Commons, there’s no telling how many Conservatives might reconsider how they vote in fear that the mask may be used against them.
When it’s all said and done, there is one certainty: the Conservatives will patiently wait for the NDP to be careless with the mask. Once the Tories can get their hands on the Mask of Vulcan, the dictatorship will be complete.