I recently watched An Unreasonable Man, a documentary about Ralph Nader and his accomplishments, and I learned a lot about how selfless of a person he is. It’s hard to believe that an average North American would be willing to give up his entire social being in order to help ordinary citizens.
The film made me think about what I might be able to do to help my local community, but I quickly remembered my channel of communication, Jim Hillyer, my member of Parliament. Jim has to be the worst MP in the country. In fact, I’m willing to put my political representative up against any other representative in a democratic system; he’s that bad. Really. Jim is horrible. A horrible, horrible harmbie, A.K.A. a Harper zombie:
Jim approached the last election as any other candidate would. There was a campaign, and he was going to stand up to the opposing parties and their intolerable platforms. That is, until he realized that he is far less intelligent than the average, concerned university student. Jim fared so poorly at a forum held at the local university that he abandoned all public forums and debates from then on. As Stephen Harper’s great Aunt Augusta once stated, “Ignorance is like a delicate fruit; touch it, and the bloom is gone.” This fruit had clearly been touched.
The students pointed out that his lack of brainpower was likely because part of his post-secondary education is from a non-accredited, religious institution. Jim thinks accreditation is for the birds, and who doesn’t? But I don’t think it’s this easy. Even sacrificing goats in class wouldn’t create this caliber of moron. I think paint thinner was involved.
One of the better examples of Jim’s sharp ability to orate in front of others happened when he had to apologize to the House for making childish “finger gun” gestures during session. You absolutely must watch the apology below to fully understand just how ape-like Jim is.
Still think your politician stinks more than mine? A crowd of protesters asked Jim how much he makes a year. His response? “I don’t know. You can look it up.” Great answer, Jim. Most of the people I know have no idea what their salaries are, and why would they? No one needs to plan for mortgages, zombie food, amputations etc.
He also ended up on CBC’s list of “fiery”political quotations. Why is his statement notable? Jim was cut off by the speaker of the house seconds after he opened his idiot-hole. No big surprise here:
If only Ralph Nader weren’t so concentrated in one person. Maybe we could then split up his superpowers. When he dies, we should ask the almighty creators if we could acquire his soul, jar it and keep it down here, on earth. That way, once citizens are of the voting age, we could invite them to take a tiny sniff from the Nader jar. After each sniff, SHAZAM!, they would have an ounce of civic virtue in their blood.
I think my political representative can make a run for the worst in all democratic systems. He’s like Rick Santorum with the exception that he’s too stupid to express his backward reasoning. It may seem like I’m being hard on him, but Jim won’t answer tough questions, and I think it is likely because he can’t. If you have an opinion about Jim, feel free to reply. If you feel that you have a lemon that is worse than this Harmbie, let’s hear about it!